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Antares

by yea fuckin no

supported by
Patrick Harsh
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John Morghen
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NE Hertzberg
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1.
False Start 04:35
lyrics
I forgot how to sing without screaming or crying If I said I was fine I was lying Still trying to win pieces of myself back Still running from demons I have never understood I don't get scared when I get lost in my mind now and that's probably not good Save yourself, no one will save you Worry not, I've taken note No more face value No more promises I'd rather go to waste than do this again In the jaws of defeat In the arms of abandonment I was beautiful once and it was horrible
2.
Point of Exhaustion 04:13
lyrics
Tear shaped salt lamp as a gift Coincidence? I think not Turns out looking after my heart Was an after thought ;) I keep inspecting my reflection in the mirror To see how much of me is left Again, dead for a year Resurrected wrong Constant disappointment Constant mental turmoil Feeling used up and useless Only good enough to fuck and set aside And all of the things I love about myself Only serve as a reminder of what you saw in me Finally learn to turn the blade outward Finally understand how to become dangerous Lose everything I worked for Finally gained myself I'm not sure if I want it Though I know that none of you deserve it I'm only now becoming who I'm supposed to be
3.
This Never Happened 01:57
4.
Stubborn 02:39
lyrics
[redacted] <3
5.
The Comfort of a Lie 00:56
6.
Balthazar's Lament 03:15
lyrics
Are you here? Are you always here? Surrounding me in your embrace Driving when the streetlights come on Before I walk out into the night I've let my heart become consumed with this hate I've let my hand become stuck as a fist Resurrected wrong, the boy stayed dead I'll make everyone close to me suffer to prove their worth to me I'm hard to like and difficult to love If he's scared like I think he is he's right to be and should stay that way How many more deaths until I shed my skin and when it happens will it resolve all this pain I'm in? I was beautiful once but it hurt too much So now I choose to be ugly Dealing with the queen of cuts Supplanter by name and action Let me know if you're ever ready to die again I'd be glad to help and hear it As if I need saving again. If I can lay down between us we are safe Unfortunately we will live to regret this I guess I'm just not making myself clear I'd rather be lord of these ruins Than a servant in your palace My instinct is no longer to be kind first I can no longer recommend approaching me from the back You'd do well to stay clear of here The abyss...
7.
What Sunday Saw at the Edge of the Abyss 03:55
8.
Trail of Destruction 03:25
lyrics
I'll tear you apart piece by piece and cut you into little pieces and no one is ever going to hurt me again <3
9.
Inconsolable 02:43
10.
I Can't Leave 03:22
lyrics
Disappointments as heavy as the sun Time is up with nowhere left to run Mom says it's the will to overcome Can't help but feel that this is done I felt you walk over my grave I tried to take a picture But couldn't capture the look I gave Hold together for the day Couldn't carry on that way And when I woke up I was gone In this place we no longer belong This place doesn't deserve the gifts of the weak Know that I died hating you
11.
Alone in the Firefly Room 01:14
info
12.
In Quiet Reflection 03:27
info
13.
Treasured, Immortalized 02:07
14.
Washer (Slint Cover) 04:20
info
15.
Dying Again 07:21
lyrics
I need you to love me as I am Dying again Laugh at me Pray for me Where is my heart Drive me home I'm sorry that I hope I haunt you And it hurts to know that I don't So I'm looking forward To dying again [I collapse in his arms from the exhaustion this hate and pain has given me. Rest my head on his shoulders and let this wave of peace flow over me. Only to wake up once again from a dream.]

about

Antares is a red supergiant star about 550 light years away from our sun. It is the brightest star in the constellation Scorpius and is often referred to as the heart of the scorpion. It's expected to explode in a supernova within the next ten thousand years.
In the zodiac, the sign of Scorpio represents death and rebirth.
In the tarot, the death card typically represents a pivotal change.

Antares is the name of the penultimate canonical yea fuckin no album. It is a meditation on being born under the sign of Scorpio, my diagnosis with borderline personality disorder, three failed suicide attempts, and my struggles with identity in the realms of gender, culture, and spirit.
It is a reflection on the consequences of my reclusive and abrasive nature, my paradoxical will to survive while shunning hope, and my failed relationships: romantic, platonic, and familial.
It is also a confession of my undying love and passion for music, which I believe is the truest form of communication humans are capable of and their only saving grace

This album is in an unmastered state; the levels are all over the place. I think releasing it like this is important to the nature of the project. It may appear elsewhere remastered at a future date.

This album is dedicated to Paula, who sees me pro bono, out of nothing but her own volition. May your reward be great in heaven.

This concludes the Convalescent triptych.

credits

released June 16, 2021

Sunday Rathskeller - Drum Machine, Synths, Vox
Victor E. Ahhhhh - Vocals, Bass, Xylophone
Dominic James (channeling the ghost of Dominic Wrath) - Power Electronics, Vocals, Determination

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yea fuckin no Virginia Beach, Virginia

I've always been like this.

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